There’s another wave of computer hype coming, just in time for the holidays. It’s called Windows XP Media Center Edition 2004. Whew. Say that five times fast. In fact, it’s such a “catchy” name, we’ll assign it an acronym before we go any further – WXPMCE2004.

WXPMCE2004 is really an upgrade of Windows XP Media Center Edition 2000-Whenever, which has pretty much fallen off the radar after some early fanfare. The idea is simple – your computer becomes the hub of your home entertainment experience.

WXPMCE2004 is built on a special version of Windows XP Professional, and has all the normal everyday capabilities (and frailties, one would presume) of a Windows computer. So, what makes WXPMCE2004 a revolutionary, pervasive, must-have, mortgage-the-kids, get-a-new-computer-just-so-I-can-run-it upgrade? Hold on to your recliner, coaster, and Cheetos. It’s… it’s … a remote control!

Just what you need – another remote, to fall between the sofa cushions, and cause family rifts over control dominance. Anyway, WXPMCE2004’s mission is to provide all your entertainment media through your computer. Some of this concept is already in place, specifically digital music, digital photos, DVD and VCD playback and recording, and home video editing. Many computers come with a video card that can put your favorite TV program in a window on your screen, and even record it onto your computer’s hard drive. Some offer a built-in AM/FM radio tuner.

WXPMCE2004 consolidates all of the above features, offering integrated controls, both on-screen and through the remote. Here’s the vision: route your cable or satellite dish TV connection through the computer, to enable recording of your favorite shows. Connect both your TV and home stereo to the computer, to listen to your digital music collection, or watch slide shows of your digital photos. Sounding pretty good so far? I think there may be some hitches and drawbacks…

Apple CEO Steve Jobs was once asked why Macs didn’t come equipped with TV tuners. He replied that, to watch TV, you turn your brain off. When you use a computer, he went on to say, you turn your brain on. I defy anyone to get anything really meaningful done on their computer while trying to watch Monday Night Football (or Changing Rooms, for that matter) in a little window right next to their work. Can’t be done.

Also, in order to have full control of the system with the remote, you’ll have to put all the components in close proximity. In other words, you need to have the computer in the same space as the home entertainment center. Can you spell decorating disaster? Would your spouse stand for that? No way. If you don’t hook up the WXPMCE2004 to a TV, then you’re left with the family crowded around the computer monitor. Ugh. Not exactly a Norman Rockwell moment.

What if your computer crashes in the middle of recording (or watching for the 35th time) the “Friends” finale episode? Can there be a reason to go on living?

Once all your media is assimilated by the WXPMCE2004, how long will it be before Microsoft analyzes how you came upon all your media, and their digital “Minority Report” storm troopers descend on you from above?

But, hey, you can be illegally downloading music and bootleg software with Kazaa, while illegally downloading all the old “Roswell” episodes with Bit Torrent, while recording the “Friends” finale episode to illegally distribute on CDs to your friends, while installing the latest antivirus updates, while downloading the latest Windows Security Update, while web-researching how you can get in on the “Burger King Made Me Fat” class action lawsuit, while ordering Dominos pizza online – all from the comfort of your recliner.

Ain’t the digital life grand?

© 2003 Peter F. Zimowski