OK, so you’ve gone and done it. Or, perhaps you’re just thinking about doing it, but are concerned that it’ll be harder than its worth, or that there’ll be times when you miss it so much that you’ll have to go back to doing it. You’re not sure how you’re going to function without the old “crutches”. You’re excited about the promise of starting anew but you fear the unknown. Your friends who’ve been through it tell you they thought it was going to be one of the hardest things they’d ever done, but it turned out to be not so bad. They say that now they’d never go back.

You probably think (this being the New Year and all) that I’m talking about quitting a destructive habit like smoking. Don’t get me wrong – I think you should, if you do. No, actually, I’m talking about quitting something else. Here’s a hint: “Computing more and enjoying it less”? That’s right, I’m talking about quitting Windows. And I don’t mean just clicking the little red button in the upper right corner. I’m talking about the cold turkey, pull-the-plug, get-them-all-out-of-the-house variety of quitting Windows.

Some of you just felt a shudder propagate down your spine. Your mouth is suddenly dry, your hands clammy. The very thought of that adware scan you did last night being your last has brought that nervous bounce back to your right knee. Your imagination runs wild, and you wonder how long it’ll be before the “DTs” (DLL Tremens) set in.

What’ll you do during break time at work tomorrow? Will you feel left out when “the usual crowd” huddles outside, bracing against the cold, to boast of and lament (at the same time, strangely and tragically) the number and variety of their Windows maladies?

You think back on your life-long Windows habit. You got hooked early by the flashy advertising, the computer chip lab technicians dressed in pink bunny suits (c’mon, admit it), and the promises of popularity, power, and Pentiums. When you first started Windows, you spent the extra money on the “premium brands”. But, over time, you realized that cheaper, generic, “Brand X” PCs gave you enough of the kick you needed. You even experimented once with one of those “roll-your-own” build-it-yourself computers.

Remember when everyone thought Windows was “safe”? Sure, there were people who did it too much, but the most they got was swelling in the carpal tunnels, or eye strain, or perhaps a bigger bottom. Then the more serious effects of Windows were discovered, and even with advances in security technology, it became evident that there would never be a truly “safe” Windows. But, despite all the warnings, you kept at it, thinking that all those consequences happened to “the other guy” and not me.

Sure, there’ll be certain times of the day when your cravings for Windows will be more intense. After a big meal, for example, when you used to retire to your desk to “fire up” your PC to see if the latest episode of “Survivor” was available to download from Kazaa. Or, despite your best efforts to avoid a “Windows-conducive” environment, you might find yourself straying from the rest of the family at the mall to talk Registry Maintenance with the blue-shirted Orcs at the electronics superstore.

The most important thing is to take it one day at a time. Soon after quitting Windows, you, your family, and your friends, will begin to notice positive changes almost immediately.

But, wait a minute. I’m not advocating quitting computing completely. Absolutamente el contrario. Details on my proposed “treatment plan” next time.

© 2006 Peter F. Zimowski