Before we get into this week’s missive concerning some common technology misconceptions, here’s something that can’t be misconstrued or misinterpreted and certainly shouldn’t be missed. It’s “March Madness”, Mac-style - the monthly meeting of MMOOS (Maine Macintosh Owners & Operator’s Society). We’ll muster this coming Tuesday, March 21st, at 7:00 PM in the Multi-Purpose room on the second floor around back at Brunswick High School.

Now, the idea for this week’s article actually came from something pretty much unrelated to computers and technology. As you may or may not know, I have actually been leading a secret double life for the last three years. On Fridays, you know me as The Mac Maineiac. On other days of the week, however, I “slip the surly bonds” and “dance the skies on laughter-silvered wings” as a pilot for a major airline.

In airports, I commonly overhear passengers (usually on their omnipresent cell phones) referring to the time they spend between connecting flights as their “layovers”. For example, “I’m here in Newark on an hour layover”. Folks, an hour’s wait between flights is not a “layover”. An overnight stay in a flea-bag airport hotel is a layover, because, well, you lay down. Or lie down. Whatever.

An hour in the airport between flights is a “sit-around”, or “sit”, because that’s what you’re doing. You’re sitting, not lying (although some flyers these days certainly come dressed for bed - but, I digress). “Layovers” are reserved for a night’s sleep in a hotel, and really short layovers are sometimes referred to by airline crews as “leanovers”.

So, anyway, this inspired me to think of commonly misused phrases and misconceptions in the computer world. Some you hear all the time, some you have to listen closely for, some are obvious even to the most casual observer. Here we go.

How often do you hear this: “Log on to our website at www.bigbucks.com for more details”? OK. Visiting a web site is not “logging on”. Now, if the web site required you to enter a password to access the site, then you would be logging on to the site.

Here’s another. “I’m on the computer”. No, you’re not. Perhaps you’re “at” the computer, but you’re not “on” it, any more than you’re “on” the phone (or “on” a layover, for that matter). Same goes with “I’m on the internet”.

Here’s a bit of cleverly deceptive advertising I saw recently. A local cable company, which shall remain nameless, is running a TV ad with big text headlines claiming that their cable modem internet access is “THREE TO FIVE TIMES faster than DSL”. What you can’t see, unless you’re right up in front of the TV soaking up all that harmful radiation, is a line of tiny fine print that says something like “Compared to 768 Kbps DSL”.

Now, it’s not that what they’ve said isn’t true. Their 3 Mbps (megabits-per-second) cable connection is indeed around three-to-five times faster than a 768 Kbps (kilobits-per-second) connection. However, the ad neglects to tell you that there are 3 Mbps (and faster) DSL connections available, at the same price, if not cheaper, than what the cable company offers. Oh, and satellite dishes are installed by unscrupulous con men and will turn your pets into mad mutants as well.

Also on TV this week, on one of those Home Shopping channels, the same “info-babe” that gushes at Esteban’s every guitar chord is now gushing at the awesome power of the latest Windows laptops.

Oh, no! I just did it myself. I said, “on” TV. Now, wait. Was she “on” TV, or “in” the TV”? Help me, Mr. Wizard!

© 2006 Peter F. Zimowski